Sara (tipsyhippo) wrote,
Sara
tipsyhippo

2/09

First World Problems:
-when you hate all of your underwear because they make your butt look fat.
-your keratosis is worse than ever since you started running. UGH. I just read that the extreme exfoliation I've been doing is probably making it worse and not better. I hate this fucking disease.
-all I wanted this week was a red bra to match my marvel panties. And target had literally ZERO red bras. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Tonight is an I'm A Woman kind of night. In a nothing-that-is-part-of-my-body-is-okay kind of way. I hate nights like this. Plus side, I walked by my mirror (which I avoid when I'm feeling like this) and saw my glasses and they made me happy. I have pretty bomb glasses.

Also I got this new shirt, and my cat put a hole in it. It was on sale so can't return. Whatever I'm wearing it tomorrow anyway.

Alright moving on, as I try not to dwell on my bad moods.

If I'm being completely naked and vulnerable and honest here, and why not, I like this guy. This super secret nobody-gets-to-know-who-he-is guy (hahahahaha). Lets call him Fabulous. I think Fabulous is fantastic, and I think he thinks I'm okay. Sometimes I tell myself I don't even really know Fabulous all that much, but maybe I'm confusing being completely involved in my ex's life and his family and living with him as the only real way to know someone? I do think there is plenty more to know about Fabulous, but maybe I know him alright. I don't remember where I was going with this.

Oh right. I like this guy. So we are still just feeling each other out, and "nothing" has happened yet, but I definitely like him. And my crazy girl brain is definitely having a field day with, you know, all of it. The feelings, and the logic, and the feelings versus the logic. And I definitely think in a week or two I'll be saying I definitely don't just want to have fun, and I'm scared of that. Getting hurt. I don't think Fabulous would hurt me, but people definitely can't hurt you unless you let them in.

Anyway so that's where I'm at right now. There's a war going on in my head.

Oh. Another thing. I definitely don't need a guy. Welcome to the reason I broke up with my ex, both a year ago and then again 6 months ago. I don't want to change my plans for a guy, or limit myself for a guy. I'm a unicorn and I don't belong in a cage or hiding in some horse clothes. I'm strong and independent, and all that. But really, actually, I feel that and believe it and its great. But also, who says I have to change plans or limit myself for a guy? Maybe I could have both? Maybe I could have a guy, and be a unicorn?
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